Why I Don't Wear Makeup

Before I begin I just want to clarify that I am not a feminist. So no, this isn't about woman power or the patriarchy. This isn't about demonizing makeup. This is an extremely personal story. I get asked this, a lot. "Why don't you wear makeup?" Well, let me start from the beginning. I started wearing makeup when I was about 12 years old. At first I wore mascara (very badly I might add, it was always smeared and clumped haha). I gradually moved my way to eyeliner, eyeshadow, and lip glosses. By the time I was 14 I wore a full face of makeup to school every single day.
I think the reason I started wearing makeup is because in middle school I was a huge follower and I always gave into peer pressure, I had a deep want to fit in with everyone. I remember during lunch how my friends and I would refresh our makeup in the bathroom and we would straighten our hair too. I saw makeup as a normal thing that all girls do like it was a right of passage into womanhood. I put on my concealer, foundation, mascara, eyeliner, lipgloss and eyeshadow on every single morning and I didn't question it. It became a natural task for me like brushing my teeth and taking a shower. At first it was just makeup, but then I noticed something, more boys were talking to me. More boys were telling me they had crushes on me. More boys were flirting with me. More girls were telling me they were jealous of me. Makeup made me feel more attractive and I liked that feeling. At first it was just makeup, but now, makeup was my tool. Makeup was my tool to popularity, my tool to get boys, my tool to get girls to be my friends, my tool to confidence. To put it short, I became narcissistic.
I remember one day this kid confessed his crush for me in front of the entire class and you know what I said to him? "I will never like you, I am way too good for you". Then I flipped my hair and turned away. Makeup made me feel superior to other people, I felt that I was better than others just because of my physical appearance. Makeup was my confidence and I actually became addicted to it. I couldn't bare the sight of my natural face, I would tell my self, "Ew I hate my under eye circles, I hate my nose, I hate my eye color". I was so unhappy with myself and makeup was the only way to make me feel happy with my face. One time I lost my concealer and I started crying and yelling at my mom that I wouldn't go to school without makeup. I refused to let the public see my natural face because I was embarrassed of not looking attractive 24/7. My addiction grew along with my narcissism. My confidence was at an all time peak until I got into highschool. I went to a completely different highschool than all my middle school friends and I had only 1 friend whom was extremely shy. I lost all my popularity and social confidence, but I still wore makeup. My shy friend was dating a mexican at the time and he introduced me to the mexicans of the school and they became my friends for the rest of my highscool years. They were really awesome and hilarious, I love my raza haha.
Anywho, in freshman year I started to date this guy whom I was with for over a year (we broke up junior year) and he would constantly tell me that he wanted to see my natural face so I went over to his house one day without makeup and he liked it. Since I was whipped I started to lessen my amount of makeup, but I was super nervous to go to school without it. What would people think? Will people think I'm ugly? Will people talk bad about me behind my back? I don't want to be ugly! But like I said, I was whipped so I did it for him. My first day at school without makeup my palms were sweaty and I felt so paranoid. I felt ugly. But for the sake of "love" I continued on. No one noticed that I stopped wearing it. No one mentioned it. No one treated me differently. People still hung out with me, they laughed at my jokes and I made new friends in my new classes. Slowly, I became more comfortable without makeup.
It wasn't until the day that I became a christian in April 2013 that my mindset completely changed. I began to focus on my soul and how to grow spiritually. I learned to let go of my vanity, my narcissism and my feelings of superiority. I am no better than anyone else, I am no less than anyone else. I am not my looks. I am a beautiful creation in the image of my Father. So why don't I wear makeup? I don't want to hide like I used to. I was buried in self hate and I used makeup as my bandaid. I thought makeup was the solution to my confidence but it was only hindering my process to get to the root of the problem. The solution wasn't to change myself to be happy, the solution was to love myself the way I was. I am so happy with myself now. My confidence is no longer based on my looks, it is based on who I am as a person. I am confident in my abilities, work ethic, accomplishments and my hobbies. I don't need makeup and I don't want it. I have absolutely no use for makeup. Now I have true confidence, confidence that won't fade. If your confidence is in your looks you have weak confidence because the human body is very fragile. We can lose limbs, our skin can become scarred from accidents, our faces will inevitably become wrinkly and saggy. Out of all the things that make a human the physical appearance is the quickest to fade away and the least important. If you like makeup that's fine, it's your face do as you please. But personally, I don't want to wear it because I see no use for it. There are literally hundreds of other things that are more important than how attractive I am. I am engaged to Martin and our wedding will be June 2016 so I might dab on a little concealer and mascara for that, maybe. Other than our wedding, I don't see myself putting on makeup in the future. I am more confident without it and I am much more happy as well.

Comments

  1. Awesome testimony. Congratulations on discovering your true and inner self. Dependence on Him for anything and everything should always supercede things of this world. Congrats. :)

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  2. Awesome testimony. Congratulations on discovering your true and inner self. Dependence on Him for anything and everything should always supercede things of this world. Congrats. :)

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  3. Gracias por compartir tu historia. Te confieso q pase por algo parecido solo q yo estuve al otro lado de la historia. Todavia recuerdo como mis amigas se maquillava y se peinaban en el baño ,yo apenas queria mirarme al espejo. Pensaba q no tenia derecho pq ellas eran mas bonitas. Todo cambio cuando termine high school. Por eso apenas se lo basico de makeup aunque todavia no me guste, solo lo uso en ocasiones especiales y tiene q ser super natural. He aprendido a valorarme por lo q soy.
    Thanks again and congrats por la boda.

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  4. Penny, I love your story! I too am Christian and used to hide behind a ton of eyeliner. I used to think I was more superior when in reality I was no better than other people and I looked like a goth. I have since toned down on makeup and have stopped wearing eyeliner. I only use makeup and dress up for God and I feel amazing. Thanks for sharing!

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  5. Thank you for sharing. That's really awesome. Love your videos :)

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  6. Thanks for sharing! That just shows your humility and your ability to rely on God for your confidence. I rarely wear makeup and I'm much older than you are. I think I look fine without and my husband loves the no makeup look. He says I don't need it and that I have good skin. I did wear makeup for my wedding and I felt like a princess. I loved it. Every once in awhile I will wear it but it's rare.

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    1. Thanks! I think I might wear a little for the wedding just for the pictures haha :)

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  7. This is so inspiring! Please make a blog or even a VLOG about your testimony receiving Christ! I really want to know!

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    1. thanks! Oh wowzers I dunno, I was a really messed up kid and I'm really ashamed of my life before Christ, maybe I will share a little, maybe. :)

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    2. Girl don't be ashamed! That's a testimony of what God has done in your life. I acurally used to suffer from depression and anxiety. I also had rheumatoid arthritis in my body and God healed me from it all. Without medication, without insurance. God is good :3

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  8. Great blog. Very inspiring. Only few get to reach their inner self and embrace it. I look forward to your writings. Keep up the good work.

    Shilpa

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  9. Many congratulations to you for the upcoming wedding. Best wishes to both of u.

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  10. I'm curious, why don't you consider yourself a feminist?
    (Not trying to start an argument or anything!)

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    1. No one has ever treated me differently or wrongly because I am a woman. I have never encountered inequality therefore I have no reason to be a feminist. Respect from others must be earned through respecting your own body. I respect myself and so do my peers.

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    2. I understand where you are coming from. For a long time I didn't consider myself a feminist either and felt that the push for equality had gone to extremes. And even now, according to many, because of my stance on certain issues, many would call me an anti-feminist. But I consider myself a feminist simply because I believe that everyone is equal in worth and deserves to be valued regardless of age, gender, etc.
      I'd like to point out that just because we haven't personally experienced equality doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Personal experience is very limited. But it is clear that equality has not yet been achieved if we look at statistics. For instance, even here in North America, many cities have a very skewed gender ratio due to female foeticide/ infanticide. In one city in my province, the male to female ratio is 86:100- that is a lot of missing infant girls. In the US, women earn about 73-77% the amount men earn. I believe you posted on your facebook page about the hypersexualization of women (thank you very much for that post)- that too, is one of many things feminists would be fighting for.
      I haven't for the most part been treated differently for being a woman either, but I feel like I should stand with my sisters who do, in the hope that they can enjoy the equality I do. I am inspired by this quotation: "First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."
      I don't mean to start an argument or convince you to start calling yourself a feminist. (Having been there, I totally understand why many women don't!). Just wanted to share what some of us who call ourselves feminists were coming from :)

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    3. Wow sorry I didn't realize that was going to be so long. But I also wanted to add that with that said, thank you for sharing your story about learning to accept yourself, and giving us a glimpse at how Christ has worked in your life. It was beautiful! God bless you

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  11. I've always respected myself and my body but I've still faced harassment from men. Random guys in the walmart parking lot, coworkers, you name it! I must live in a crappy part of the country if there are places where this isn't happening. Must be nice!

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    1. It does happen here, but I never experience it. I think I never experience it because I don't dress or act girly, I don't attract boys attention which is fine by me, I already have my man haha.

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  12. I think you are beautiful without make-up! :)

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  13. Congratulations on your engagement to Martin! I hope your wedding is everything you dream it to be.

    I just came across your blog from your Youtube channel and I love your blog and videos. I'll definitely keep up with your blog from now on. :)

    I don't wear makeup (I'm 15 years old), but I'm still not as confident as I want to be. I'm not allowed to wear makeup and just kind of accepted that fact, but never thought about how I don't really need it. Your post really shows me how makeup is not for everyone, and isn't going to fix your confidence and how you are on the inside. The only thing that can fix confidence is yourself. Thank you so much! <3

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  14. Hello, I was watching your Q&A and decided to click on the link u were talking about. I absolutely love this post. It's absolutely true! I'm not gonna lie I used to be like that during high school too. I thought if I don't wear makeup I was ugly and plus I used to straighten my hair EVERYDAY. I had low self-esteem. I'm not saying makeup is bad either but honestly.. Iittle by little I learned to accept myself.the days I decide to wear a little eyeliner with lipstick I just wanna take it off lol i prefer my natural hair over when its done BC like u I learned to become more accepting of myself. You are one of my favorite youtubers. Continue to be you! And I do have some video suggestions as well: How to become more comfortable in your own skin, how to take care of hair during hot weather. Muchas gracias for your positivity

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  15. Personally, eyeliner makes me cry, and I love to be able to rub my eyes lol so I don't wear makeup, only on extremely special occassions. Thanks for sharing your story, and keep your mindset it's great!

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  16. thanks for sharing your story it's really nice and idk just so cool how you went from needing makeup to totally natural. It's also really cool you became christian - I am as well. Thanks for your youtube channel, it has made me feel more confident with my hair since now I know how to deal with it. Also thanks for sharing your story xx

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  17. Thank u for the story. Be who you want to be. And good luck on the wedding penial. Te amo mucho penial. And I also want to thank you for the curly hair tips and tricks. It really changed my routine and I just want to thank you for that. Xoxo

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  18. This is admirable and I'm glad you have so much self confidence, but why do you say you're not a feminist?

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    1. The third wave is a hot mess, I will not associate myself with the third wave.

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    2. so basically do you mean man-hating? cuz i feel like that has no association with the word feminist, you know? I consider myself to be a feminist because my meaning of the word is equal rights for everyone; I don't hate man or anything, I just believe in equal rights :) i feel like flat out saying your not a feminist is like saying you don't believe in any part of the movement, when there's a right and wrong way to do it, and hate is never right. i think we r on the same page though haha btw i think you're great! i just thought this would be a cool convo to have with you <3

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  19. No I don't mean man hating. Look I am going to be blunt, feminism is dead in America. I don't need feminism. At one point America needed feminism and my fellow feminist sisters fought for my right to vote and to work, which is great! I am highly thankful for the past feminists who fought for me. But now feminism in America is jacked up. How in the world is not being able to show your nipples oppression??? It's called public decency. Feminists in America fight over dumb things. Feminism is needed in other countries right now, where women are beaten and denied schooling. Feminism did it's job here in America, now it is time for it to move on and work its wonders around the world. But modern feminists wont let it go and a result they've turned it to trash. Everyone is a feminist, we all want men and women to be treated equally, but modern feminists have tainted feminism with their radical nonsense.

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  20. I am 13 and I am happy I read this. everything said about how make up doesn't make you beautiful was right.

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  21. I am 13 and I am happy I read this. everything said about how make up doesn't make you beautiful was right.

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  22. I'm glad you don't feed into that hater b.s. you are a beautiful young lady, and you don't need any make up. My boyfriend is the same way I was never was a big make up wearer but I will wear a little for special occasions. I tell my daughter the same thing . A natural look is prettier. I was that Latina come out of you we always say I'll cut you lol.

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  23. I don't usually comment on ANYTHING because idk I don't like to I guess. But I have to comment on this. You are legit my favorite YouTuber and one day I hope to be like you. You're very inspirational. Thankyou for existing :3

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  24. You've made a video about all your different piercings which I watched. I want several more piercings but i only have the basic lobe earrings. I'm 16 and all my friends have 5 or more ear piercings while i just have my two. I always ask my mom if I can get piercings but she says no because it is not my body to poke holes or draw on(tattoos) because this is a borrowed body that God has given me. What did your mom say about your piercings? Was she against them at all?

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  25. Hi Penny.
    God bless you.
    A friend at college told me about you recently and I decided to look you up and see what you're really about. And you're an amazing person! I know I'm posting this comment up super late, but I would like to know more about your feminist views? Or better said, anti-feminist views? When you said "I am not a feminist" in the beginnings of your blog, what do you mean? I don't consider myself a mainstream feminist for many reasons, but I do consider myself a feminist in other aspects, like equal pay and treatment for women within society, healthcare systems, church congregations etc. But when it's something that goes against the Word, like abortions, "freeing the nipple", I don't agree with that area of the feminist movement.
    But I would like to hear what you have to say about that. Because to be very honest it doesn't make sense to me how a woman, such as yourself, who has strong values and is inspirational to women In general, doesn't consider herself a feminist at all. I haven't seen all of your videos or read all of your blogs, so i know I'm missing loads of information about your views, but even if I have seen everything I'm still missing loads of information because I'm not involved in your life either lol. But I would like to know more of your views. If there is a video or blog you have addressing this, let me know!
    Have a nice day :)

    Paz,
    C.

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  26. salam,
    your words is amazing.
    and i think you talk about me xD haha..
    hmm i have a nice idea for you "you should reading about islam" islam is so prefect! you can't beleive it your life will change 100% for the best<3 yep i'm sure for that.
    and yes i'm not good in English:) sorry/have a nice day<3

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  27. So you was a muslim before? Why did you leave Islam ? Im a muslima myself and i live in Belgium x I LOVE YOU SO MUCH btw i have cruls too your videos are so funny you are so beautiful <3 <3 love from Belgium

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    1. No I was never Muslim, I have always been part of a Christian family. :3

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